Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"The Little Prince" -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (Chapter 5)


In chapter five of Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s book “The Little Prince,” the pilot is warned by the prince about the dangers of baobab trees. He explains that the baobabs start as invisible seeds that begin to grow. But because they grow up to be rather large trees, one must pull them up as soon as he/she detects it. If they aren’t taken care of while they are small, they are nearly impossible to get rid of and they will tear a planet to pieces. Lies are baobabs. Lies are nasty things that often disguise themselves as truths. Lies keep talking until you believe, until you give them roots. Idols, like lies, are baobabs. Idols distract you with beauty and promises. But idols are terrible baobabs whose only desire is to tear apart your whole planet. The only way to get rid of these dangerous trees is careful gardening. If I am being completely honest with myself, I haven’t always tended the garden as I should. I’ve let baobabs get out of control. I’ve given roots to self-doubt. I’ve kept things quiet instead of facing my fears. I’ve ignored my jealousy, lust, greed, and selfishness until they threatened to consume me. But I won’t become like the lazy man from the Little Prince’s story. So every day I am faced with the tedious work of self-reflection –of tending the garden and pulling up the baobabs.
"Baobabs" -Regina Spektor

Friday, September 24, 2010

"Why am I doing this? Why am I shapeshifting in front of this man? And the answer is, of course, because he is handsome and perfect, and I feel I am neither."
-Augusten Burroughs

So often I put up this front for people, not because I want to feel superior to them, but because I want to feel equal to them. I see people who serve humbly, speak eloquently, and work diligently and I put on this show to convince myself that I am worth their attention and affection. I look to these people, silently asking them to affirm my worth because they seem so worthwhile themselves. I ignore the fact that I can only find meaning and purpose from the one who gave me life. I ignore a God who is screaming, "Of course you're beautiful; I MADE YOU." Instead, I recreate myself over and over to shut out my own tiny voice whispering, "I'm not enough." Well I'm done seeking answers from a confused world. I'm done looking for sanity in senselessness. I'm through seeking worth from the hollow. I'm done searching for anything but You.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

"I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently."
-Donald Miller

I've been struggling ever since I got here with a desire to have my old life back. I hated everything about this place because none of it was anything like what my life used to look like. Sometimes the pain was so sharp it felt like I was grieving a death. I realize now, that's almost exactly what I was doing. The old Brittany had to die so that I could be here. It was necessary to kill my old self in order to break all the patterns I kept putting myself through and allow something new to be born. And I know that in order to keep moving forward I'm going to have to continue to die every day. I'm stepping away from who I was, but toward who I'm supposed to be.