Praying the Same Prayer

It does not take much courage to talk about the things one has overcome. It takes a great deal of courage to talk about the things that are still in progress. I say that as prelude to this next confession: I struggle with anxiety.

Looking through some old documents, I found this prayer I wrote down almost exactly two years ago:

God, I really need you.

I am overwhelmed. I can barely breathe with the weight of all these mixed emotions. There’s so much fear and anxiety. I feel overworked and exhausted and uncomfortable. I want so much for this to be a growing experience, but I feel trampled. God, use this place and this situation to mold me. Help me learn from the stress and the fear. Rid me of the emotional baggage I’ve brought here and be with me as I encounter even bigger obstacles this summer. Be my rock, my strength, my guide, and my light. Be my teacher, my lover, my father, my friend, and my savior. I don’t know how to handle any of this on my own, so I need you. I am weak and easily swayed, but you are strong and firm. I ask that you walk with me through this camp, giving me words to speak and ears to listen, revealing yourself to me in new and bold ways. Holy Spirit, take away my spirit of timidity and fill me instead with a spirit of passion. Replace fear with love.

All for Your glory, Amen.

Two years later and I am still praying the same prayer.

I still struggle, but, thank God, I do not struggle on my own. He is making all things new.

Catharsis and Contentment

I am convinced that there is not much more satisfying than reading a good book on a stormy day. There is something so beautiful about the sky opening up and a soul letting out a deep sigh. The sky’s catharsis and the soul’s contentment. There is something about a warm, dry room with a view of a cold, wet world that feels safe. As the sky cracks and clouds roll, there is a world inside a world. The magic of a story is easier to imagine when accompanied by the percussion of rain. I can put myself in Sophie’s World and let the garden of my mind be watered. I am lulled to sleep, carried on a thundercloud.

Hurricane and Harbor

I have been kept safe in harbor
I have walked along the shore long enough
To collect a few seashells
To learn the language of the locals
”A ship in harbor is safe
But that is not what ships are for”
These legs were meant for uncertain seas
This skin to feel the salt spray
I am heading for possible hurricanes
I am destined for certain adventure