A Safe Ship

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not why ships are built.” I’ve really been struggling to put this into practice lately.

                I’m going to be working at a bible camp this summer and it’s bringing up a lot of mixed emotions. As someone who plans on majoring in children’s ministry, working with kids in a Christian environment for an entire month is great experience. I should also be excited to work alongside people my age who have a heart for God’s kingdom.

                But the truth is that I’m not excited. I’m scared. I don’t want to have to leave Waupun again just to find myself in an unfamiliar place with people I’ve never met. I’m afraid of wasting my time, of not making friendships, of failing to have any impact on the kids.

                I named my blog Hurricane and Harbor because I’ve always been able to see and feel the contrast of safety vs. danger, good vs. evil. But I’m starting to realize that being safe in the harbor isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. God has poured a lot of time and effort into making me the person that I am today. He has carefully crafted this vessel with His own hands.  I was made to venture out, to discover new things, to be tested in the waters.  What a waste not to leave the shore!

                Not only is it a waste, it’s selfish on my part. I have been prepared for this moment in my life, through youth group, mentorship, and college. It has always been God’s intention for me to serve at this camp. Instead, I’ve tried choosing to ignore it all and stay home. I’ve decided that my fear is a good enough reason to ignore God’s will. What a selfish beast of a thing inside of me to say that my comfort is more important than the plans of the Lord!

                So this summer I’ll leave the harbor. Right now the water looks rough, but I’m hopeful that it will be rewarding. I’ll try to keep you updated on the adventure and all the work that God is sure to continue performing on this less-than-perfect ship. Anchors away.

Something Like Hope

I woke up in a good mood

And I can’t decide if it’s the sun or you.

All I know is that when I look skyward

I feel something like hope.

There are flowers on the hillside

And a sparkle in your brown eyes.

I could spend forever in this landscape

That never gets old.

If the weather is any indication

Of the future situation,

Both the river and my tears

Will soon dry up.

But for now I’m still unsure

Although the breeze is warm and pure,

So if you just hold my hand

That’d be enough.

A Diction Addiction

If my mind was a book, it would be old and leather-bound. The spine would be cracked and the pages worn and yellowed. It would be thicker than War and Peace with smaller print than the Bible. There would be an entire chapter devoted to the lyrics of Brand New, and another for every poem I wrote during my sophomore year of high school. You would find it shelved next to the encyclopedias, across the aisle from biographies of presidents and dead movie stars.

I’m addicted to words. Seriously, I eat them up. I could stay awake for days fueled by nothing but coffee and my love of language. I spend my free time pouring over books and blogs and lyrics. I have notebooks and Word files filled with my favorite lines. I quote Mean Girls and Juno daily and about 95% of my Facebook statuses are lyrics. I repeat Bible verses over and over in my head, and then I’ll write them on notecards and hang them up. I often find that the best way God reveals Himself for me is through short, powerful phrases. I want to work my way through a dictionary and memorize a thesaurus, and when all of those words run out, I want to make more.

                I live for conversations with my best friend over a slice of pie and a cup of coffee. I look forward to the day when I’ll be able to sit on the couch with my husband and just talk about the day. I sit in the dark, letting lyrics fill my head. In the summer, I will walk to the library and stay there until I have finished reading a novel.

                I see grace in margins and love in punctuation. I feel comfort in consonants and energy in vowels. I think there is something beautiful in putting words to emotion. It’s okay to feel something, but I can’t deal with it, can’t fix it, until I can describe it. I want to understand my life in some tangible way. I want to hear it whispered in prayers or see it scribbled in composition notebooks. So if you ever want to get to know me, all you have to do is ask and I’ll open up like a book. And my hope is that someday you’ll let me read you too.

9 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Finals Week

*Submitted by real college students, studying for real finals, and suffering from real sleep deprivation.

1. We’re out of coffee. We have four more days of exams left and you’re telling me we’re out of coffee? How do you expect me to function? Next semester we’re rationing it off to make it last.

2. Your alarm. Didn’t I just get to sleep an hour ago? …5…more…minutes…

3. Stop procrastinating. Excuse me? You have no idea how fried my brain is right now. Add to that the fact that when the temperature went up, my motivation levels went down. So shut up and let me play CityVille.

4. Cumulative. Because testing us on stuff we don’t know just one time isn’t enough.

5. You look tired. It couldn’t be because I’ve been up until 4am for the last 3 nights writing papers and studying for exams, could it?

6. 50% of your grade. In other words, this one test could be the difference between passing and failing the class. No big deal.

7. Late-Night Waybright is cancelled. Noooooo! Where will I go when I want food at midnight?

8. Can I look at your notes? You haven’t been in class all year and you want to benefit from my hard work? Good joke.

9. I don’t believe in extra credit. That’s like your prof saying, “Yeah, I see you flailing your limbs as you drown, but I’m not going to throw you a life preserver.”

Neverland

I wrote this in November/December of my senior year. It's been a constant reminder for me of how much I've grown up.

I walked in with no intentions of ever leaving
Because everyone knows when you grow up you stop believing
I found all the strength I needed in you
I gave my all and you gave yours too
Inevitable, the future is unwinding
Fear takes the place of the hope we've been finding
Could we stop this change for just awhile
Escape the ticking crocodile

There's a place where imagination unfolds
Where Peter Pan never has to grow old
There's a place where time stands still
Lost boys refuse to be men so they never will
Let's pretend it's not all in my mind
Pack up and leave this town behind
Run away and meet me there tonight
Second star to the right

We're just kids forced to grow up too soon
Too big of an imagination for these tiny rooms
Wendy felt it, now I'm feeling it too
But I'm finding all the strenght I need in you
Everything's spinning as we're trying to stand
With our hearts still anchored in Neverland
Could we stop this change for just awhile
Escape the ticking crocodile

There's a place where imagination unfolds
Where Peter Pan never has to grow old
There's a place where time stands still
Lost boys refuse to be men so they never will
Let's pretend it's not all in my mind
Pack up and leave this town behind
Run away and meet me there tonight
Second star to the right

Well let's see them try
Try to take our wings and tell us not to fly
It's hard walking blindly into a future we can't trust
Sometimes everyone needs a little pixie dust

There's a place where imagination unfolds
Where Peter Pan never has to grow old
There's a place where time stands still
Lost boys refuse to be men so they never will
Let's pretend it's not all in my mind
There's a place where imagination unfolds
Where Peter Pan never has to grow old
There's a place where time stands still
Lost boys refuse to be men so they never will
Let's pretend it's not all in my mind
Pack up and leave this town behind
Run away and meet me there tonight
Second star to the right

I'll walk through these doors one last time
But I'll keep a piece of Neverland inside