Major Change

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” –Matthew 16:24

From the time I was in fifth grade, I knew what the plan was. Even at that age, I knew I would always want to be a psychologist. As the years went by, the dream didn’t change; the plan just got more precise. I would go to college (a lot of college…at least eight years of it), get an internship, get a job as  a psychologist in a large office building, make lots of money, and live comfortably. I remember hearing someone say, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans,” but I was convinced that this wasn’t just my plan, but His plan too.

With my entire future seemingly set out before me, it came as a surprise to a lot of people (to myself as well) when I switched my major at the end of my first semester of undergrad. I decided to drop psychology in order to pursue a degree in Christian ministry. Don’t get me wrong; my family was incredibly happy and supportive of my decision, but now there were a lot of questions to be answered. With psychology, I knew exactly what I wanted and everything was figured out. So a lot of people had a hard time understanding this switch. They pointed out that there didn’t seem to be as many jobs in children’s ministry, the pay wasn’t as good, and asked why I would give up my dream. The only thing I can say in response is that when God tells you to do something, you listen.

Since so many people have asked, I thought I’d finally sit down and unpack the reason behind my change of major. The short and simple answer is that I felt God calling me to ministry, and that’s the answer I give everyone. It was really a move that didn’t require much thought on my part. I don’t remember the exact day, and I don’t remember the exact instant, but I know that God spoke to me. I don’t remember what I had been doing at the time, but suddenly I was consumed with just one thought: I should go into children’s ministry.  That’s how it happened. Right in that moment the decision was made. I remember walking to my dorm room and thinking that this meant I would have to give up psychology, and I felt a little mournful at the loss of my dream. For the second time that day, God spoke to me and said, “You want to follow me? Okay, give up everything.” With that revelation, I knew that if I wanted to really trust in God and follow His plan for my life, I had to be willing to sacrifice some things, including the dream I had had since elementary school.

So that’s my story, but it’s not just my story. It’s a story of God calling his people to follow, a story of putting down nets and getting out of the boat, a story of denying self and taking up a cross. Because when God tells you to do something, you listen.

Recap: 2010

In January, I competed with my team at the Foot of the Lake synchro competition. In February, I had a phrenectomy, planned a Winterfest assembly, held a Valentine’s girls’ night, competed at the Badger State Games, skated with my team at the Beaver Dam synchro competition. I went to an Alesana concert, competed in French Forensics, skated in the Eau Claire synchro competition, had a photo shoot with my lunch friends, and skated my senior solo in A Fairytale Ending in March. In April, I threw NAAP (non-alcoholic alternative prom) and participated in Senior Skip Day.

In May, my team won gold at State French Forensics and I dressed like a zombie prom queen with the rest of my friends at MORP. In June, I helped plan and participated in the Baccalaureate service, graduated, held and attended graduation parties, threw a tea party, went to Bamboozle, got my braces off, and saw the Eclipse premiere. I attended a toga party, spent a few days at Lifest, got my wisdom teeth removed, hit a deer and totaled my car, and attended Rhianna’s wedding in July. In August, I committed some shenanigans in Beaver Dam, went to the State Fair, threw myself a dinosaur-themed birthday party, spent a day on the Wisconsin River, attended the Alto Fair, moved into school, went on the Student Leadership Retreat, and had my 18^th birthday.

In September, I visited the Botanical gardens, attended Nerds’ Night Out, and watched the Packers-Bears game. I came home for Fall break, attended Kirstin’s wedding, participated in Jessa’s surprise party, saw the Mae concert, had my car break down, and attended the Mayday Parade concert in October. In November, I celebrated Thanksgiving and enjoyed Thanksgiving break. In December, I participated in Santa Lucia decorating, threw a Christmas dinner party, celebrated with the family on Christmas Eve, grieved Taylor’s death, and enjoyed Christmas break.

Throughout the year, I helped manage the band Heartstrong, found a group of friends at high school who became my family, battled four months of depression, and met a lot of new people in college.

I can summarize 2010 with the following sentence: The greatest things in life aren’t things. These events wouldn’t have meant as much to me without the people I shared them with. My friends, family, coaches, teachers, and mentors helped make this year all that it was. I’ll try to list them all, but I know I’ll miss someone.

My skating team: Taylor Schaefer, Ashley Schultz, Makayla Salzman, Sierra Skindzelewski, Sydney Skindzelewski, Haley Mischler, Callie Mischler, Tegan Strook, Kate Schaalma

The Lunch Club: Hannah Brown, Frances Brown, Crystal Fix, Beth Wegner, Nicole DeBoer, Grace Winter, Morgan Deich, Allison Koenig, Bridgette Stelsel, Shayna Wilson, Stephanie Steinhauer, Taylor Navis

The Waupun friends: Colton Fude, Lydia Guell, Ty Trainor, Shawna Harmsen, Rhianna (Braaksma) Huizenga, Pete Huizenga, Jeff Norton, Nate Giebink, Justin Montsma, Nate Mallow, Kevin Jansma, Jamie Thompson, Chase VandeZande, Lucas VanEgtern, Gretchen Feeney, Keagan Hodge, Charlie Husnick, Derek Loomans, Noah Stenz, Meredith Zimmermann, Terry Stenz

The family: Pam Aylesworth, Brooke Aylesworth, Brielle Aylesworth, Brad Aylesworth, Shannon Aylesworth, Star Trepanier, Karen Lange, Judy Miller, Jerry Miller, Corey Oppermann, Marsha Oppermann

The 2C girls: Brittany Najera, Meghan Turner, Chelsea Matthias, Allenha Holden, Kelsey Wilcox, Storm Dorrough, Rebekah Held, Jessa TerBeest, Krista Sperling, Katie Wilson

The Trinity friends: Rachel Osborn, Emily Fredericksen, Bethany Kemming, Tommy Hanson,  Jimmy Leiter, James Schroeder, Tim Mrowiec, Stefany Erazo, Bethany Melozinc, Shelby Hewerdine, Syerra Meadows, Crystal Thomas, Shaneice Johnson, David Cantwell, Jess Nussbaum, Cicely Reynolds, Calvin Taylor, Jonathon Reynolds, Jono Mullins, Emily Malay, Stephanie Tajnai, Mignon Rademan, Josiah Zacharias, Caleb Gore, Shaunda Fargo, Megan Baylerian, Allie Boggs, Britt Hopkins

"Sometimes it isn't where you're going; it's who you're with."

-Mayday Parade



The Useless Tree

A carpenter and his apprentice were walking together through a large forest. And when they came across a tall, huge, gnarled, old, beautiful tree, the carpenter asked his apprentice: “Do you know why this tree is so tall, so huge, so gnarled, so old and beautiful?” The apprentice looked at his master said: “No, why?”

“Well,” the carpenter said, “because it is useless. If it had been useful it would have been cut long ago and made into tables and chairs, but because it is useless it could grow so tall and so beautiful that you can sit in its shade and relax.”

So much can be said about this story that I had to write about it. I could talk about how the carpenter is a wonderful metaphor of Jesus (thanks to George for pointing that one out for me), or I could discuss the lesson that we are all valuable, or reflect on what determines use from uselessness, but I think I’d rather talk about prayer.

I’ve been giving prayer a lot of thought lately, especially since it’s been the topic of discussion in the Emerging Student Leadership meeting Tuesday and in my Foundations of Christian Thinking and Living class this morning. Reading about prayer is always particularly challenging for me. When it comes to the subject of communication with God I tend to feel like I fall short, as though I am sub-par or inadequate. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 commands us to “pray without ceasing” and if that verse is to be taken literally then I have failed miserably.

But I don’t think Paul meant that we should be in a state of isolated, quiet meditation and conversation every waking hour. Rather, I think it can be interpreted to mean that our daily lives should be filled with a constant awareness of God’s presence and that prayer should break the form of rigid routine. Rather than praying only before meals, or only before bed, or only in a specific place, our conversations with Christ should be continuous throughout our day. I like how Christine illustrated this in class this morning. When you are in a relationship, you don’t just ignore your significant other all day and only talk for an hour at night. Instead, you text them during the day, between classes (sometimes in classes); you talk during meals, or while you’re doing your homework. Our prayer life should look similar to or even better than this.

For something that’s so important in the life of a Christian, I still fall short of this. Rather than praying without ceasing, I will make excuses not to. The most common excuse is that I don’t have the time. Throughout high school I had to balance school, sports, work, and youth group. Now that I’m in college the work is more intense and the responsibilities are greater. How could I possibly find time to pray? This just shows you where my priorities lie. As J. Oswald Sanders says in his book Spiritual Leadership, “The time we give it [prayer] will be a true measure of its importance to us. We always find the time for important things.” I can talk up the significance of prayer all I want, but if I don’t live by example, if I don’t spend my day in conversation with Jesus Christ, I am sending out a message that it’s actually not important to me.

I think another big reason I don’t pray like I should is that, at times, I don’t see it as very useful. If we’re talking about having a practical use, then my argument is pretty solid. Prayer does not allow me to get more done; it doesn’t improve my looks or my study habits; it doesn’t earn me money or fame. Like the tree from the story which was no good to make furniture or houses, prayer at first glance will seem useless. But just as the carpenter saw beauty in the old tree, there is beauty and importance in prayer. God created the tree just as it was –tall, gnarled, and beautiful –to serve the purpose of providing rest and shade for the weary. The tree provides glory to God in simply being what it was created to be. Similarly, prayer allows us time to rest in the presence of our Creator and to be filled with the Spirit. In this way, prayer is a beautiful waste of time that brings glory to Him.

The apprentice and I have both learned a great lesson. By being what God has created us to be and following His commands, seemingly useless things bring Him significant praise. The time I spend in prayer with Him restores my weary soul and allows me to be aware of His constant presence. Praying “without ceasing” is just what Christ has intended for His people and through this beautiful communion we give Him all the glory. In Him I find my strength and comfort.  –S.D.G.

Reading some of my pre-Christianity blogs is quite the experience. At times it's like I'm reading about a complete stranger, but today I remember her. I can almost remember what it felt like to hurt that deeply. I almost understand where my head was at during those times. I find myself wanting to go back and tell that girl to hold on, the light's almost there. I want to show her how bright her own future is. I want to show her the love she was craving. It's so easy for me to forget my own testimony, or to doubt the significance of my story. But looking back, I can see what it took to get me to this place, and I see Jesus present in it all. It's crazy to realize that my whole entire life serves as a witness to God's power and love, to think that my story is an echo of the big Story. I can't wait to see what happens next.

"The Little Prince" -Antoine de Saint-Exupery (Chapter 5)

http://www.angelfire.com/hi/littleprince/framechapter5.html



In chapter five of Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s book “The Little Prince,” the pilot is warned by the prince about the dangers of baobab trees. He explains that the baobabs start as invisible seeds that begin to grow. But because they grow up to be rather large trees, one must pull them up as soon as he/she detects it. If they aren’t taken care of while they are small, they are nearly impossible to get rid of and they will tear a planet to pieces. Lies are baobabs. Lies are nasty things that often disguise themselves as truths. Lies keep talking until you believe, until you give them roots. Idols, like lies, are baobabs. Idols distract you with beauty and promises. But idols are terrible baobabs whose only desire is to tear apart your whole planet. The only way to get rid of these dangerous trees is careful gardening. If I am being completely honest with myself, I haven’t always tended the garden as I should. I’ve let baobabs get out of control. I’ve given roots to self-doubt. I’ve kept things quiet instead of facing my fears. I’ve ignored my jealousy, lust, greed, and selfishness until they threatened to consume me. But I won’t become like the lazy man from the Little Prince’s story. So every day I am faced with the tedious work of self-reflection –of tending the garden and pulling up the baobabs.

"Baobabs" -Regina Spektor

http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/regina-spektor-lyrics/baobabs-lyrics.html