A Quiet Afternoon

A quiet afternoon
Old sweater, steady snow
A blanket for cold skin and raw earth
Insulated, undisturbed
Open arms, bitter wind
An invitation to come in

Fall Gently, Lightly

Fall gently, lightly
Not like crashing, breaking glass
Like dust settling in a room
Quiet even when stirred

Fall gently, lightly
Not like heavy, driving rain
Like a soft afternoon snow
A call to slow down

Fall gently, lightly
Not like painful, gasping breath
Like a sleepy exhale
Natural in its rhythm

That Time of the Year

I haven’t made any resolutions for 2014.

I’m not against the concept of New Year’s resolutions, but the way they’re usually done doesn’t seem to work. You all know how it goes: you declare that this is the year you’re going to lose weight/quit smoking/stick to a budget/travel more, etc. But by February you have forgotten all about those resolutions (if you hadn’t already failed by mid-January). So you make those same resolutions again the next December.

I’m not on board with that.

This year I’m trying something different.

It’s hard to keep focused on resolutions throughout an entire year, especially when those resolutions are vague or hard to measure. But short-term goals are a lot more manageable. So this year I am trying something new: making goals every three months in the physical, financial, intellectual, social, and emotional areas of my life.

In the interest of accountability (whatever accountability there is in internet sharing), I am putting my goals out here.

Physical – Get back down to my original goal weight of 150
After a lot of hard work to reach my goal weight earlier this year, I got off track when my schedule changed. I haven’t gained back a lot, but I would like to get back to the disciplined eating and exercising I had before. Setting a concrete goal like the number 150 will give me something measurable to focus on.

Financial – Understand where my money goes
Admittedly, I’m not very good at saving money. This year I have recognized that I often go shopping simply because I am bored, and often money feels like it’s eating a hole in my pocket until the urge to spend results in mindless shopping. So this week I have been researching the basics of budgeting, and I plan to document my spending in order to better understand my habits and see where I can start saving money.

Intellectual – Complete all reading assignments on time
When the my grades for the fall semester came out, I was so proud of the work I put into my classes. But I know I could have pushed myself a little harder and gotten more out of my classes had I done all the readings for all of my classes. So this semester the plan is to write down all of the reading assignments in my planner ahead of time so I know what is coming up, and to carve out time in my weekly schedule specifically for academic reading.

Social – Stop initiating and engaging in gossip
Recently I have recognized a disturbing habit of gossiping about certain people in my everyday conversations with some friends. I acknowledge this as an unhealthy habit that prevents me from loving some of my brothers and sisters in Christ. So the gossiping has to stop. I want to stop initiating it, and I plan to have a response ready for when others initiate gossip in my presence.

Emotional – Journal five days a week
One of the best practices for my emotional health has been journaling. It may be obvious, but I process my life by writing about it. In the interest of working through my thoughts and emotions, I want to make journaling a more disciplined part of my life.

So there it is, my short-term goals for January-March 2014. My hope is that breaking up the year into shorter intervals will make my goals more manageable. I hope that I have put enough thought and intentionality into setting these goals that they will be clear and success can be more easily measured.

Because I’m tired of failed resolutions.

Here’s to goals and growth in 2014,

 

P.S. Feel free to share your goals for the New Year in the comments. Or share any suggestions you may have for making my goals more clear and measurable. Thanks for reading!

Sitting Down

I am sitting here drinking coffee and watching the snow fall as the She & Him Christmas album plays in the background. My world is calm and quiet and slow.

But it’s not supposed to be like this.

It’s finals week. I should be drinking my third cup of coffee, switching frantically between Facebook, Pinterest, and a Race and Ethnics study guide. My world should be full of distraction and anxiety.

But it’s not, and I won’t pretend that it is.

Sure, I have things to do. I have tests to prepare for, gifts to purchase and wrap, a room to pack up. But, thank God, I have learned am learning the skill of time management (that’s right, it’s a skill, not a gift). I have studied what I need to, so I have time to take a break. I’m not in over my head. I am not sleep-deprived. I am not hurried. But I realize what I am feeling (or not feeling) is not normal.

College culture glorifies busy and celebrates stress. Overwhelmed Tweets in all caps and Instagram pictures of to-do lists serve as badges we can show off to say, “Look how busy I am.” Because busy means responsible, right? Because the more assignments and meetings in my planner the more important I am? I have to prove that I am more stressed out than the person next to me to prove that I am the harder working student?

What the heck is up with that?

Luke 10:38-42 says, “Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.’”

Martha was busy. She was “anxious and troubled about many things.” And, in her busyness, she complained.

Mary chose what is good. Close fellowship with the Lord, sitting at Jesus’s feet, was considered to be the greatest possession.

So this finals week, I am trying to be a little less like Martha and a little more like Mary. I want to complain a little less, and sit a little more. And that’s something that Mary chose. She had to choose to sit down instead of let herself be overwhelmed with work.

Lord, help me choose to sit with you this week.

Story Time with Papa

As I sit on the couch, the morning sun sends warm, golden light through the window. I sip my coffee and close my eyes. My face instinctively turns toward the sun. I am, after all, a sunflower. At least that’s what my Papa calls me.

I am His daughter. The one at whom He smiles. The one who often climbs into His lap and asks for a story. That’s what I do this morning. The soft couch is His lap; the golden sun, His smile. I ask Him for a story.

Papa tells me the story of my sister, Esther, the lovely one. He tells me of her beauty, how it won her the favor of the king. He tells me about her love for her uncle and her people. Such love that gave the young queen courage to petition the king. Because of her courage, and because the king favored her, the entire Jewish race was saved.

Papa knows I love this story. I love imagining the palace, the banquets, the robes, the celebration feasts. I admire Esther’s obedience and integrity. Papa leans in and whispers, “The king favored Esther because she was beautiful; you are beautiful because your Papa loves you.”

The sun shines brighter as it rises higher in the morning sky. I smile back and thank Papa for the story. I uncurl myself from the couch and prepare for the day, still smiling because I am His daughter. Because I am His beautiful sunflower.